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just watched an episode of Good Eats where Alton uses a mandolin to slice an onion, and they did the visual joke of the musical instrument instead of the kitchen utensil.
my mom then asked where my mandolin (musical) was, and i told her it was in my room, but way out of tune because the strings are old and it’s been ages since i fooled with the bridge so the intonation is off as well.
she asked what the bridge was, so i explained, and included the words “floating bridge” because, well, that’s what it is.
then i spent twenty minutes explaining how that worked and why i decided i’d wait until i could pay for a pro to set it up again for me because i didn’t want to spend 2345426899 hours fucking with it.
her expression through the twenty minutes only got more and more confused.
that’s what you get, mom, for only playing a woodwind in high school…
I saw your package your nifty little package
read your letter ‘bout how you loved my sweater
I am a kind man I’d love for you to visit
you’ll see my country and all that there is in it
I’m not a mean one I’m just another leader
so bring your mother I’d really like to meet her
I’ve heard your evil and I’ve heard your wicked
that you do bad things that would frighten children
Lake Erie’s frigid oh I hate the winter
but I still ice skate even though there’s danger
and that’s okay with me every spider has a tree
and the world goes round and round
so be my little pineapple girl
I don’t desire to be clueless creature
just waltzing through the woods waiting to get eaten
I know my blood young and I seem so harmless
twist fast bring me down breed a heart of darkness
I am besieged by the vagaries of power
I’m all alone and lonely in this tower
I’m not that evil but there are some people
I might have to harm them don’t mean to alarm you
if you want to get away from all the ills of the world
you’ll never be my pineapple girl"
you didn’t even read my review of your piece so whatever man. :P
I did, actually.
I’ve been plotting your demise rather carefully. I wanted to have that part done and already in action when I responded there.
It’s only 6 dollars! Only if you buy from Lulu, though. But do it now!
i’m fine is a collection of poetry I wrote ages ago that most of you who now follow me have probably never seen.
Yes, a while ago, I said I was going to retire it. Well, that didn’t happen because I don’t like that there isn’t one in every state or on every continent.
Therefore, you should buy it. Because of reasons. And if you do, or have before, you should leave a review on both the Lulu page and the Amazon page. That would be extremely helpful and much appreciated.
Also wik, apparently it’s pretty good.
Also also wik, I’m working on a few small zines of my own at the moment, so those will be available in the near future, and they’ll only be like two bucks! Super cheap stuff!
Liar. Your writing doesn’t suck. I like it and that is why i am following you.
the curse of being a perfectionist and a writer, love.
but i’m glad you like it :)
i suck at reviewing things, especially writing.
not because i have nothing to say, but because it’s usually all harsh and negative. which is also part of the reason i hardly ever go back and edit anything i’ve written; it’s all garbage that could be better and has already been done better by someone else.
therefore, i feel like i’m not contributing to Inkstained. which isn’t true, kind of. i’ve read several hundred of the pieces on there by people i don’t usually read (it’s easier there because i don’t have to sift through any other bullshit but writing). and there are bits and pieces that are nice, but they’re surrounded in horribleness.
i mean, there’s one line that’s brilliant surrounded by fifty lines of shit.
i don’t want to be the asshole who says “this line is good, but the rest sucks. do it again, but better.”
but what the hell am i supposed to do? i’m not going to lie to these kids. i want the world to be filled with better writers, not people who’ve been told they were good because no one wanted to hurt their feelings. so what do i do?
i guess i’ll be an asshole.